Don’t do this one thing in order to move forward in life

Sometimes we want to give up. Simply throw in the towel and walk away. We want to quit pursuing our dreams. Frustrated at the many challenges that appear to be barriers to us accomplishing our goals. Feeling inadequate and empty. Giving up is a personal issue we all face in our lives. 

Occasionally, a particular meme crosses social media feeds. The caption reads along the lines:

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If this is the only reason you do not want to give up – then, I am here to share with you that this is a huge disappointment and unrealistic expectation. Our life is not based on proving any one right or proving anyone wrong.

We are not meant to live in competition with one another. Yet, modern social standards keep saying we have to become better than other people. We drive ourselves to ruin by chasing after things we believe will lead us to a sense of happiness and enjoymentIf I had a better job, better place to live, if my spouse and/or children will listen to me. All we are doing is placing ourselves under unrealistic expectations on how we are to live life. None of these things will bring personal satisfaction, meaning, and purpose. 

Do not use other people as your motivation for not giving up. Do not convince yourself that you have the right and authority to prove other people wrong. At the end of the day, if they never were supportive, empathetic, or encouraging; they will not care if you prove them wrong.

Instead of wasting time and energy on proving people wrong, focus on ways you are able to improve your overall life satisfaction. Focus on what matters to you. What are your values, what do you believe in? In what way do you want to strive to be a better person? What are your struggles, fears, and concerns?

Here are four focal point reasons to not giving up. These four reasons will inspire a more balanced and meaningful life that will help you become a victor and not a victim. By focusing on your own reasons for not wanting to give up on your life, or pursuing your own passions and desires, will increase greater productivity and realistic outcomes. The only person who stands accountable for your life is the person reflected in the mirror. No one else is responsible or accountable for your life. 

Image result for Reflection in mirror

Focal reason one: Personal Identification

Most people who have a strong desire to give up on themselves, and their lives, lack an understanding of personal identityThere is no vision and there is no sense of purpose. Most people no longer experience life for what it is and instead move moment-to-moment through survival instincts. Giving up on ourselves and our lives is a survival instinct to manage and deal with painful disappointments and life tragedies. 

Without any living guidelines to operate from, we become disillusioned, detached, isolated, and feel victimized when difficulties arise. Having an established personal identity helps us navigate even the most trying times and difficulties. Personal identity also curates realistic goals for us to move toward. And, personal identification helps us realign ourselves when we face particular barriers.

Finally, personal identification connects us with our inner most being – or soul. Helps us live true and authentic where we become influential, inspiring, and motivating for others. It also prevents us from living from a self-centered perspective and personal agenda.

The very reason we desire to prove other people wrong is because we to show others that we matter and have value. Through authentic living of our own defined personal identity, we no longer worry about how other people value us. This is because we prove ourselves right by valuing who we truly are.

Focal reason two: Put in the effort to live a meaningful life

It is important that we focus on the work it takes to identify ourselves. Focusing on finding who we are leads us to work on discovering our sense of meaning and purpose. Once we are able to define and understand our own personal value, how it contributes to experience and live life with meaning and purpose, we begin to work on serving other people around us.

This requires us to work on those things that will help establish our identity. The most challenging is not give into the discouragement others speak into our lives. They are not putting in the work needed for us to cultivate a personal life of meaning and purpose. Therefore, since they are not putting in the necessary work, we no longer need to prove them wrong because they will not understand where we are coming from.

People have opinions. It is not up to us to accept their opinion and perception of who we are and how we go about striving toward a life that brings a sense of satisfaction. We have to learn to ignore their perceptions and opinions. Their brand of hate will only take them so far – rise up and above their hateful perception. 

By focusing on the work you need to do will help lift you up and move you out of the sense of wanting to give up on yourself.

Focal reason three: Keep goals personal and realistic

Goal-setting is quintessential to personal growth and success. They are, therefore, personal and need to be realistic. It’s not enough of setting an overall goal. We also desire to share our goals with others. Thus, we do well in setting goals that are realistic and achievable. We also want to ensure that we keep them private and personal.

Do not let people in on something that they may not understand. Also, avoid letting people in on your goals where they may cast doubt. Even if it is a casual conversation.

Brainstorm ideas. Where do you want to go, where do you see yourself within the next 6-months, 12-months, two years, or even five years? What steps are you willing to take  to see these goals through completion? What is your intent, commitment and motivation? What potential obstacles may present a challenge in moving toward fulfilling your goals? How will you manage those obstacles? What is the expected outcome in achieving the goal? How are you going to hold yourself accountable toward meeting your goals?

There are many different ways to establish healthy goals that lead to a life that has meaning and purpose. One of the best ways is to follow the S.M.A.R.T goal concept: 

  • Specific, simple, significant, and sensible
  • Measurable, meaningful, and motivating
  • Achievable, agreed, attainable
  • Relevant, reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based
  • Time-bound, time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive

For more information on smart goal setting click here.

The other important factor is write down your goals. This brings them into reality. Merely thinking about goals is not enough. Once you establish your goals (whether through the SMART technique or other goal setting techniques), keep them personal and private so as to protect your sense of well-being and authenticity. 

Focus reason four: Walk in thankfulness and gratitude

A significant, and sometimes quite magical, experience develops. When you start operating from your true values, being authentic, and honest to who you are. People will come along side you and lift you up. This does not happen by expectation or sense of entitlement. It happens because you begin to invest in other people. Invest and support their needs and their passions. Connecting and networking with them by being of service.

Through your service, you build loyalty and dependability. People will begin to see who you are for what you are. This is because they gain a sense of your value and worth. They do not want to see you fail. Instead, they want to invest in you, lift you up and in return, meet your needs and help you with your own passion and interests.

How to accomplish this is to being expressing gratitude and thankfulness. Acknowledge those who are being an influence in your own life. What values you draw from them. What character traits do you see in them that you desire and want to emulate? More importantly, show gratitude and thankfulness toward your Heavenly Father as He blesses you and increases you.

And, it is not just being gracious and thankful toward others kindness and God’s blessings. We show gratitude and thankfulness toward the life experiences we walk gain. The adversity we face. Being thankful and gracious during the storms of our lives go along way in helping us focus on what is more important. Our own personal lives are meant to be fully experienced. Not meant for us to survive from moment to moment.

When it comes to living in survivor mode, we only focus on what our immediate needs are and willing to meet those needs. However, when we strive to focus on fully experiencing life, we are living in authenticity by working to bring unity and harmony toward meeting one another’s needs.

The allegory of the long spoons helps us understand the nature of what it means to be unified and being of service toward others. It also indicates how gratitude and thankfulness plays by allowing us the liberty to continue to work toward meeting other people’s needs.

Without thankfulness and gratitude, we harbor bitterness and resentment. We fall into a trap of entitlement and ultimately come to the place where we want to give up. It is in this place, of our own resentment and bitterness, that we rise up with an “I will show them!” attitude and mentality.

Do not focus on proving other people wrong as a motivating factor to not give up

Instead, focus on improving yourself. After all, it does not matter what other people may think of you. It does not matter what they believe. It does not even matter what they say. Your life is not about living for them. Your life is about living true to who you are and what value you bring into other people’s lives. 

You begin to realize how insignificant other people’s opinions and ideas for your life or lifestyle are. Regardless how these people may inflict their thoughts on what you’re doing, they’ll never truly understand your personal value and worth. Work on proving yourself right by believe in yourself. Never second guess yourself. Commit to understanding how you have a lot to offer yourself and how that influences and impacts the environment around you.  

So, when you are at that point where you feel like giving up and then remember that there are a lot of people to prove wrong – stop and remember to be S.O.B.E.R: 

  • Stop – Take a break and step away from the situation/experience
  • Observe  – Take a moment to reflect on what is happening without judgment or criticism
  • Breathe – Center and ground yourself by taking a few deep breaths and experience those deep breaths
  • Expand  – Upon up your awareness to how your body is responding, thoughts their attached emotions, and the overall situation
  • Respond – Making a choice instead of being swept up in emotions and being reactive

This helps us come to a place where we are focused, clear-headed, and able to manage ourselves.

Yes, we will experience frustrations. Yes, we do expect others to support us, to encourage us, and to empower us. Yes, we want to move ahead and move past those times of adversity and challenges. And, yes, we sometimes come to a place where we want to give up on ourselves. How we respond when we are at that point helps us decide whether we are willing to give into our need for survival or our desire to live and experience life for ourselves and no one else. 

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